Why love fades away

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Good Subscriber Account active since Shortcuts. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders. Why love fades. The fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment. I'm not lovable enough or smart enough or attractive enough for my partner to stay interested in me, so I have to control to get them to stay with me.

I have to give myself up to not lose my partner's love. There is no way for me to be myself and be in a committed relationship, so I need to withdraw or resist to protect myself from losing myself. If I do it right, I can have control over my partner giving me the love I need to feel OK about myself. How to keep love alive.

She has counseled individuals and couples since More On This Topic Sex. Kelly Gonsalves. With Megan Bruneau, M. Personal Growth. Sarah Regan. Eliza Sullivan. Latest Articles Off-the-Grid. Emma Loewe. Jamie Schneider.

Integrative Health. Functional Food. Simon Hill. Lindsay Boyers. You may need to take some extra steps if you or your partner are:. In fact, there have been many studies on falling in and out of love. What scientists have found is that there is an actual cycle that most relationships go through.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher classifies these stages as:. The first is when you first begin to feel attracted to your partner. Many lust-based connections never make it past this phase. Many times things fizzle out before they ever begin. During the romantic attraction phase, you begin to fall head over heels.

You think about him or her all the time. You talk on the phone all night long. You fantasize about a future together. Three chemicals: serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, pump through your body. Because of this:. This stage of the relationship feels so good. We want it to last forever. Read that again.

Biologically speaking, our brains are wired for romantic attraction of this kind to fade. But by the time it does, we have usually moved on to stage three: attachment. At this point, you may get engaged, get married, and move in together.

You may even start a family. Things will seem great for a while, but scientists have found that something starts to happen around year four. Remember the chemicals mentioned before? They start to lower. As they decrease, feelings of attraction go away and are replaced by other hormones that make you attach to your partner on a deeper level. Of course, this can happen sooner or later, depending on the circumstance.

Although this change is significant for a long-term commitment, it can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. So, what is the solution? Keep dopamine and other romantic attraction hormones flowing. Here are some ways you can do so. If you want to get back the romantic attraction in your relationship, date night is a good first step. Making time for one another is going to be instrumental in your journey.

Date night is a great opportunity to tune into one another and tune out from the rest of the world. You are setting aside time to spend solely with your partner.

This shows them that you are serious about keeping the relationship on the right track. It also does wonders to prove your dedication and loyalty to the relationship. Another benefit to date night is making new, positive memories with one another.

If harsh words or disagreements have damaged your relationship, this is a good place to start. You can rewrite your future as long as you are willing to put some effort into the present. Once you are reminded why you chose each other first, it will be much easier to bridge the gap of your romantic relationship. Hobbies are a great way to do something constructive while working on your relationship.

If you choose the right thing, it can also foster working together as a common goal. The only thing you need to worry about is that each of you will enjoy what you are doing.

When you are choosing an activity to begin, consider teamwork. You might choose a puzzle with one thousand pieces or take a cooking class that emphasizes having a sous chef. Anything you can do to foster completing tasks together will work. Ballroom dancing classes are another good suggestion for a new hobby to pick up. It is romantic and has levels that everyone can learn and master.

When you complete the class, you can go out dancing and show off your new skills. The memories and bonds you make in class will last a lifetime. Kissing more often can lead to a happier and more romantic relationship. This happens for several reasons. When you kiss someone you love, it triggers the dopamine receptors in your brain. Dopamine is responsible for controlling the happy emotions we feel. When you take the time to focus on the little things, like kissing in your relationship, you open up the possibility to feel better inside and out.

This could be the difference between a boring relationship and an exciting ride. If the ebb and flow of everyday life are becoming mundane, do something spontaneous together! Disrupting your regular schedule with something exciting and fun could be the perfect cure for your romantic attraction problem. When you think spontaneous, you might be thinking of hopping on the next flight out of town and winging it once you arrive.

Going on trips together is a great way to get dopamine pumping again. If you have restrictive cash flow or time to do this, maybe you can take a road trip instead. State parks, free museums, and state fairs are all great options.