Why does my ex torment me

They hate it when we sound stuck. And honestly, even then, some stubborn part of me still wants to own the emotion, wants to drag it out and make everyone look at it, before I can put it away for good.

So stop being ashamed of what you feel. I am mourning something real. But this is still a big part of my life that died, and it hurts. I still want something that is bad for me, in spite of my best intentions. And yes, after you state the full truth and out yourself as someone with a giant, sensitive heart, you should try to expunge him from your daily thoughts and your imprecise narrative, and stop using him as a means of confronting your emotional challenges.

But you also prefer that these needy types cover up that need by ignoring you and treating you badly most of the time. Instead, be where you are, a broken, sad human being in the broken present. This is what the narcissist never learns to do. Forgive your ghost, and let him go haunt someone else. Forgive him. Cry some tears for him, but let him go once and for all. Real love feels like real life, but a real life that you can finally experience with all of your senses. Real love is a divine series of clumsy maneuvers, unnerving mistakes, flashes of joy and lust and self-doubt and fear and anger and also peace.

And there is not only one person alive who can fulfill this place in your life. Ordinary, lovable people who can see you clearly and who understand that flaws are human and not a deal breaker are everywhere, once you start to see yourself and your own flaws the same way.

And when you are finally embraced by someone who accepts your good and your bad with patience and grace, it feels strange and amazing and frightening. It is not an escape. You get to be a human being, with needs, with problems, with emotions. That is enough. Start now. Be a regular woman who has needs of her own. Be an awkward interloper, someone who says the wrong thing and feels the wrong way and is all sharp elbows and mumbled words and lopsided smiles and perfectly timed mistakes.

Open your heart and embrace the awkward interloper. Give her your love. She is more than worthy of it. Got a question for Polly?

Email askpolly nymag. Her advice column will appear here every Wednesday. All letters to askpolly nymag. Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription. Account Profile. Sign Out. They bring out the worst in people regardless of whether you are the dumpee or the dumper.

The only difference between the two is that dumpees usually do their best to control their behavior—for they want their exes back, while dumpers give in to the repulsive emotions and act imprudently as if the dumpee never existed. Moreover, please note that the content of this article applies to both males and females, but the article will be written from a male perspective.

If your ex is deliberately going out of her way to hurt you, she will make sure you find out about her malevolent actions. Your ex will hurt you because your pain will give her a huge ego boost and provide her with the validation she so badly craves. In a nutshell, her actions will appear very immature, vengeful and even crazy. Contrarily, if your ex is not trying to hurt you, then her actions will be a lot less demeaning.

She will probably talk badly about you to her friends to justify her reasons for leaving and might even post how happy she is on social media. When that vengeful individual breaks up with us, we finally get to meet the real person — the one that has been hiding behind a mask all these months or years. Why is my ex trying to hurt me now? Your girlfriend cared about you and the relationship she was in.

She can do as she feels — which she avidly does. So if you get the feeling that your ex-girlfriend is out to hurt you by doing horrible things, rejoice! Not only that. You will also have learned not to tolerate her behavior again and especially—her post-breakup treatment. This side is usually summoned when we are undergoing something extremely emotional.

Breakups are a good example of this thesis. Sadly, most people are capable of bad things. They just need to be pushed far enough to show them. People can be vengeful, manipulative and absolutely bitter when it comes to our past relationships. When our pride, ego, and self-esteem have been hurt, we do unimaginable things to soothe our raging anxiety. Since everyone has a dark side, this is exactly the reason why exes hurt us so much when we only want to live peacefully after a breakup.

Unfortunately, the only way to help your ex cool off is to completely remove your presence and go indefinite no contact. Try not to get hurt if your ex starts hanging out with someone new, goes on vacation with her friend or posts every single moment of her life on social media. None of that matters in your short and precious life. What does matter, is you. You are the most important person in the world — at least to yourself. Exes do all sorts of things to hurt us—especially dumpers. They go to great lengths to win the post-breakup war and celebrate in glory once they achieve it.

Fortunately, the reasons why exes hurt us have nothing to do with who we were as their partners. If you do, your ex will likely win the battle. You only have things to gain. Nothing will annoy your ex as much as forgiving and pitying her poor, vengeful soul. Unless your ex is threatening you with physical violence or is emotionally abusing you, you just have to wait for her anger to dissipate.

Both dumpers and dumpees eventually stop bothering and annoying each other. The only thing you need to do is to not pay any attention to your ex—as difficult as it may seem sometimes.

Absolutely nothing at all. This includes angry exes that are trying to hurt us out of spitefulness and a false sense of righteousness. Every time we react positively to a negative encounter we further rewire our brains to become the best version of ourselves.

So yes, even something as negative as a crazy, vengeful and miserable ex can serve as a lesson to us. We just have to be prepared to see it that way. Consider your breakup a challenge — a predicament to evolve from. Can you think of more ways and reasons why your ex wants to hurt you so much? Comment below and let me know. I sent flowers to her work I got no text nothing.. I think you should move on Zan. Find other things to keep you occupied and your mind off her.

Maybe she need time to get herself together. Since she broke off the relationship she needs to make the first move. Enjoy yourself with friends and family. Keep going out and having a good time someone else will come along. Good Luck. Sometimes you have to think differently.

If you know someone is trying to hurt you then maybe that is the reason not to be hurt. They are intentionally trying to hurt you not because they want they are out of control.

In a way you are controlling him. Understand hurt people hurt people. What he wants to see if what he does still has a effect on you and its a way to control a person. If your ex texts you, you may be tempted to reply very quickly….

Unfortunately, such kind of thinking has the opposite effect. And as much as I hate to use this following analogy, you are right now like a puppy waiting for its master to return home. Your ex at the moment already knows and believes that if they want you back right now, you would immediately say yes. Would you have the urgency to go buy it right now? Chances are that you will probably take your time and maybe get it when you have the time….

Right now, you are the toy that is readily and easily obtainable. An easy way to do that is to simply use the power of silence to let your ex continue chasing you. The more your ex chases you, the more your ex will value you. If your ex discusses with you on any topic and for some reason, you have the opposite thinking to what your ex says…. Instead, be agreeable or at least just listen to them and go with it. The last thing you want is to have an argument or quarrel with your ex again.

The last thing you want to do is to chase a relationship that will never come to fruition again. I was with my ex for 2years, We broke up many times and end up talking again, he wants to be friends now and wants to see other women. I should move on, but I love him. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Download FREE. For example, you and your ex might: Work together… Live together… Have a child together… Have some financial commitment to each other e.

Simple as that. A part of your ex probably wants to be with you still… But because of reasons that they consciously tell themselves, they resist the urge to want to get back with you thinking it is not going to work out. And think about it — if you remove all the arguments, quarrels, fights, disagreements between you two… All you have is two people who really love and care for each other!

So, they contact you but have too much pride to tell you that they miss you… And they find ways and excuses just to be in contact with you. So, if your ex suddenly contacts you out of the blue and gives some excuse… Then it is likely that your ex probably misses you and just wanted to hear your voice or just stay in contact with you through texts.

In that picture, there were also a couple of guys. But in general, if your ex contacts you out of the blue just to see how you are… Chances are they still have feelings for you but are still confused as to whether they really want to get back with you.

Then slowly attract them back into your life. But once the Trojan Horse was behind the walls of the City of Troy… The select group of men sneaked out of the horse at night and opened the gates of the city. So how should you react when your ex contacts you? Most likely not, right? Chances are that you will probably take your time and maybe get it when you have the time… Or if you happen to pass a toy store in the future.

And you do this by making yourself unavailable. People love to be heard. Comments I was with my ex for 2years, We broke up many times and end up talking again, he wants to be friends now and wants to see other women.

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